Beautiful Sparkle: Sporked Edition
by The Great Mikey Weston
Summary: From the makers of The Story of Prettysilverflower: Sporked Edition, we bring you the infamous Baeutiful Sperkle. Rather, the sporked edition of it. Discontinued.
1. ThunderClan, Where Did You Go So Wrong

**I have decided this has gone on long enough. Beautiful Sparkle, prepare to be sporked. Viciously.**

**(Seriously, hands up if you think this story has gone right past funny straight into unreadable. Someone ask the author to at least let us SORT OF be able to read it so we can laugh at it properly.)**

* * *

><p>Leder: Maceronestre <strong>[What does that even say.]<strong>

Depty: Christmesleaf **[Christmasleaf? I didn't know Christmas trees had leaves.]**

Med cats: Wintrsno **[This Clan has four medicine cats?]**

Ranekit **[A kit as a medicine cat. Wow.]**

Starwatr **[STARGLEAM? YOU'RE ALIVE?]**

Zambezipaw **[Zombiepaw?]**

Warers:

Perfektpelt **[Perfectpelt. This is an impossibility.]**

Rareglimmr **[VAMPIRE.]**

Neptunstar **[Two leaders?]**

Raineymonda

Columbiafot **[Ah, Columbia. Home to half my heritage.]**

Dandelionbuterfle

Topzeys **[That doesn't even halfway resemble a warrior name like the others.]**

Wishdream

Rainderhof **[Der's rain in yer hoof.]**

Pinapleaf **[Pinap Berry?]**

Zoefot **[Zoe? Zoe from Pokemon?]**

Anglewing

Starskie **[Again with the stars?]**

Roserose **[Roserose, Starstar, etc.]**

Aprentics:

Prinsespaw (prinsescron) **[So "Princes"paw or "PRINCESS"paw?]**

Diamondtiarasnowpaw (diamondtiarasnowfot) **[Most completely canon name ever.]**

BEAUTIFULPAW (BEAUTIFULFUR) **[I love how this is in all caps like LOOK AT ME! …Luke Atmey?]**

Diasepaw (daisewind)

Redpa (reflate) **[Reflate? Like, deflate, reflate?]**

Grenpaw (grenwind) **[Wind can be green? I thought it was purple. Vaati wears purple and he's a Wind Mage. Case closed.]**

Flampaw (flamwind) **[Objection.]**

Eklipspaw (eklipsvenum) **[…Is that supposed to say "Eclipse"? "Eclipse**_**venom**_**"? That is so a Twilight reference.]**

Durkpa (durkhaert) **[Dorkheart.]**

Norninpa (moeninfac) **[I can't even read that.]**

Lostpa (lostflower)

Isablapaw (isablaluvr) **["Luvr" is a suffix?]**

Quens + Kets:

Skieroc - Comitket **[I don't even want to begin.]**

Frostmowth

Fuzylep

Hazlstalkr

Hollodust

* * *

><p><strong>This is going to be the "best" one yet, I can already tell. It's even more unreadable than Starkit's Prophecy.<strong>


	2. Vomitkit's Birth

***sigh* 'K, let's do this.**

* * *

><p>Beautifelpaw was in the kits den <strong>[Nursery.] <strong>with da quens Skieroc **[Still cannot read that.] **Frostmowth Fuzylep Hazlstalkr **[and] **Hollodust. Skieroc was havin a ket. **[A what?] [They allowed an apprentice to be at a kit birth? And where's the medicine cat?]**

"R U sher da kits gon b saf from skyclna" **[Why on earth is she afraid from SkyClan.] **Beauitflpa sed sadle **[Saddle.] **sadlyu **[Saddle sadly?]**. "Yes" sed SKIEROCC **[Seriously, cannot read that] **screming **[That word SO looked like she screamed it.]**

A ket cam ot of her **[Best birth description ever.] **"Im namin it Comittket" **[Comet! It's really really green! Comet! It makes you vomit! So buy your Comet and vomit today~!] **sed Skierocc haply. "kk" sed Beautdpaw haple. **[Happle. Why do I feel like I've heard that somewhere?]** They wer hape. Comitket mewd.

"Ur gon b a grate warer" shit Skieroc **[That was deliberate.]** Bellepaw begun crying. **[When did Belle get here and where's Beast?]**

"Wats rong" ssed Commitket **[Did he seriously just speak. Biology facts, guys. This kit would be best friends with Prettysilverflower.]**

"OMG U CN TALK?/?" sed Skieroc haply. **[That's what she said.] **"ya" sed commitket **[My Stu senses are tingling.] **"ok" sed Skieroc **[…And she is totally okay with that.]**

"its nuthn" sed beuatfelpaw **[Barely two "chapters" in and I don't know this cat anymore. That's a record.]**

"ya it is" sed skieroc **[Yup, it's nothing.]**

"na" sed bneautfelpaw **[No, it's not nothing.]**

"ya" sed skieroc **[Can we agree that it's nothing? Please stop bothering her.]**

"no not erly" sed beuatefalpaw **[WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW.]**

"ya tel me" **[For all of our sakes, please don't tell us, Marypaw.]**

"ok sed beaudtilpaw stil cryin "my mom is ded" **[She must be so glad that she doesn't have to look at her horrible Mary Sue daughter anymore. RIP, Marypaw's mother.]**

"wat" sed skieroc **[You didn't know?]**

"ya tiggrster **[Tigger.] **kild her nd my sister **[He murdered a kit?] **when I was a monf old" **[You mean a moon old. And again, he murdered a kit?]**

"o tat stincs" sed skieroc **[That's all you can say?]**

"ya" sed beautfilpaw she was so kawai **[ABSOLUTELY UGLY AND TERRIBLE IS WHAT YOU MEANT TO SAY.] **nd utsukushi her eys wert ha colr of a hot penk crayla cran **[Eww.] **nd her fer was nen ornje wit skie blo pachtes **[Biology facts, guys.] **nd she had raely beg anjel wengs tht wer crimsun wit saprklen red wite n blo fethers cus she was prod 2 be amurean. **[So Beautifulpaw is an American cat in a British Clan.]** Her tal was blo gren **[…Blood green?] **wit goldinrad streks nd a shimmering ruby colrd ribbon **[Suddenly Ichigo Momomiya.]** nd her pas wer gren yelo nd she had glowin red paw pads nd her legs wer skparlking skie blo nd she had majentu leg warmers **[Leg warmers are cool, but not on Marypaw.] **on nd she had a glowin sparklin glow in the dark glowin hedpfones in **[NEKU, IS THAT YOU- wait. It's Marypaw. Never mind.]**. her eys wer glowin gren. **[I thought they were pink?] [I would kill to be Jayfeather right now. He doesn't have to look at her.] **

"ur so kawai desu ka" sed commitket haply **[New OTP: Vomitkit x Marypaw.]**

"u can c me?" sed beausdfylpaw conmfupled **[Confuzzled fo shizzle.]**

"no not rly" sed commitket **[…So he can't see her and he randomly comments that she's cute.] [Why is it he can talk, but he hasn't opened his eyes yet?]**

* * *

><p><strong>Why am I doing this. My eyes. My poor eyes.<strong>


	3. Friendship is Magic

**Understand that I am braving the dangers of trolls to get this to you guys. …Mostly because I just want a decent trollfic.**

* * *

><p>CHPATR 2-FRENDSHEP WITH A TWIST! <strong>[Friendship is Magic.]<strong>

Ok im not a trol ok? **[Yes you are.]** Im not ugly at al **[I think you misunderstand what we mean by 'troll'.] **actulay Im realy kawaii. **[If you say so.] **nd if u dont like my store then DONT READ IT! **[Store? You have a convenience store? LET'S GO TO THE CONVENIENCE STORE~!]**

Ok on to ma stre **[StarClan help us.]**

Beautiofpaw **[Marypaw. Heck, Ebonypaw.] **walk dot **[PAC MAN.] **of tha nersy wit skieroc **[…HELMAROC?] **nd commitket **[Vomitkit.] **"its so sune" sed beautifulpa **[Sunny? …Sunny D.]** "ya" sed commitket **[I thought he couldn't see?] **beautdsilpaw loked at commitket nd she almost fel in lov! **[Pedophile.]**

He was so kawaii it was incredibl. **[I'm sure.]** He was sparkly wite keten **[THE RETURN OF SHINYVAMPIREKIT!] **wit shado balck eys nd had copr errings **[Why must characters nowadays need earrings and tattoos to be cool?]** nd plum colrd colr **[Plum colored color.]**. He was sooooo sex c! **[That sounds like a drink. Or protection of some sort.]**

"kawaii" sed baeutuflpaw **[To no one in particular.]**

"ohi beautiflpaw" sed grenpaw wit redpaw folown hem **[Oh boy, the Christmas Toms.]**

"hi" blushing **[BIOLOGY FACTS STARCLANDAMMIT]**, beautiflpaw sed blushin **[We already know she's blushing.] **(at her pluss is gold nd rely shiny lik metul cus shes kawaii **[That would mean that her blood is gold and shiny and metal.]**)

"or cheks lok like metal" **[That's supposed to be a compliment?]** sed grenpaw casing **[He put her in a box.] **beautrfifulpaw **[Ebonypaw, you mean.] **to blus mor.

"kawai" sed redpaw **[More like kawaisou (meaning pathetic, pitiable, poor, etc.)]**

"O NO U DIDN'T!" **[OH YES I DI-ID!] **SCREMD…

….

…..

…..

…..

…

….! **[Who's that?]**

TO B CUNTENUD! **[No, please don't.]**

* * *

><p><strong>IT BURNS US! IT BURNS USSSSS! *cries* PRECIOUSSSS! !<strong>


	4. Catfight

**Don't forget to alert and review this story, guys, and sorry to Coqui's Song, who had originally intended to spork this fic. Well, someone had to do it, right?**

* * *

><p>CHPTR 3 - ATTK FROM BES FREND! <strong>[KILL HER, BEST FRIEND, KILL HER!]<strong>

AT: NO FALMERS PLS I WERKD HARD ND I LIK THE PLOT SO FAR **[You're about the only one who does.] **SO STEP OF **[We're not on it.]**

PREVISLY ON DA PROFICE **[This is not Starkit's Prophecy.]**

BEAUTIFULPAW WAS ATACKD BY

…..

…

…..

…..

….

….PRINSESPAW! **[Seriously, Princepaw or Princesspaw?]**

"O NO" SED SKIEROCD RAPING THE GROND! **[Helmaroc raped the ground.]**

"O NO" EKOD BEAUTFULPAW DOJING **[A Beautifulpaw doujinshi? Do not want.]**

Prinsespw clad at her **[Scantily clad, I'm sure.]**

"O NO" SED BEAUFDTSILPAW CRING **[She's crying from the lack of modesty here.]**

"I THOT U WER MY BEST FREND?" **[I can't tell who said that.]**

"NO UR FLERTIN WIT MY BOYFRNED!" **[So is it Princepaw or Ebonypaw that has a boyfriend? I wouldn't date either of them. Then again, I'm a girl.]**

"O NO" **[U didn't.]**

"O NO" **[No, no, you're doing it wrong. It's "O yes I di-id".]**

"O NOOO" EVRYON SCREMD. **[OH YES.]**

"UR GONU DYE" sed prinsespaw lunjin **[I want lunch.] **agen **[Aging? Is she suddenly getting older?]**

"grrrrrrrr" sed beautifulpaw grolin **[Groin or goblin?]**

"grrrrrrrrrrrrrr" sed prinsespaw **[Princepaw.]**

Beautdfulpaw den did somthun she nevr ded b4! **[She's never died before? Wish she would.]**

"GRRRRRRRRR UR MAKIN ME ANGRE!" **[What an awful temper.] **SHE SHOTD ND SHE FLO HER PAWS AT PRINSESPAW **[Let me guess, magic powers.]**

A WIRLPOOL SHOOTID OUT! **[Ebonypaw used Whirlpool! Mikey's Sue senses are tingling!]**

IT WAS THA MOST PRETEST WIRLPOL EVR! **[That's a matter of opinion.]**

IT WAS TERKWOIS WET SPASE COLERED STREKS! **[Space is a color?] **IT WAS SPARKLE! **[So it's not just sparkly, it IS sparkle? As in, it's sparkly to end all sparkly? Yep, I knew it, Ebonypaw is a vampire.] **VILET BOS SHOOTID OWT ND GRABD PRINSESPAW B4 SUKING HER IN! **[So let me get this straight… violet bows shot out of a whirlpool and grabbed Princepaw before they sucked her in. …does she mean ribbons…?]**

"wow" sed macaronistar **[I'll only accept it if it's Kraft.] **walkin up 2 beautifulpaw "dat was nise" **[New OTP: Kraftstar x Ebonypaw x Vomitkit.]**

"OMG! **[Cats do not say OMG.] **Thx" sed beautfifulpaw smiling evn tho shes a act. **[She's real fake, alright.]**

The wirlpol dyed **[Thank goodness] **leving prinsespaw in a pil of very sparkly ornj likwed **[ORANGE SODA.]**. Her prety nd sparkle blak fer **[IT'S ONE OF SHINYVAMPIREKIT'S KITS.] **was died **[She mixed up "dyed" and "died", giving them each the meaning of the other. How sad.]** brite red by da werlpol! **[Her fur became red from orange liquid?]**

"LOL LAF" **[What.]** laffed **[Laff points? When did Toontown come into this?] **macaronistar **[What a great leader.]**

"ROFL" sed beautfiflpaw lafing 2 **[Wow.]**

"LOL!" sed skieroc **[Helmaroc LOL'd.]**

"C=KAWAII GIGL" sed commitket **[I thought C = MC2?]**

"grrrrrrrr" sed prinsespaw liking her red fer wit her persed grane smif aple tong. **[Cookies to whoever can decipher this sentence.]**

"ur a prete col cat" sed macronistar **[No she's not.] **"becum a warer?" **[N/N?]**

"SHER" REPLYD BEAUSTIFLPAW **[That was not an option.]**

WAT WIL BEAU8DFTILPAWS NAM BE? **[Don't care.] **WAT HAPNS NEST?1 **[Don't wanna know.] **WAT UNTEL I RITE NEXT CHPATR U IMPASHENT DUMY! **[Insulting the readers will get you all the fans, all of them.]**

* * *

><p><strong>Can someone please get me some germ killer. I need to disinfect my eyes.<strong>


	5. The Real Meaning of Kawaii

**Hey, if you guys can think of any more trollfics I can spork, let me know- I'll do my best to spork them for you. (At my own risk.)**

* * *

><p>CHAOPT 6 - A WARER AT LAST! <strong>[Somebody help us. Please.]<strong>

NOT 2 GFALMNERS **[Not to flamers?]**: GRRRRRRRRRR UR DUMIES! **[I thought this wasn't to flamers?]** Ur gon b kild **[Kilt?] **by SPARKLFUR (besautifulpas warren **[Warren: n. a den that rabbits share. Is Ebonypaw a rabbit?] **nam) **[And she gave away the name before the chapter even started. Does this mean we can go home?]**

2 NOT FALMERS **[Oh, so THIS is to the not-flamers]**: ENJOI DA CHAPTR! **[I highly doubt that's possible.] **ND THX 4 NOT BEIN FAKLMERS! **[Falkner? …Doesn't that name have something to do with Pokemon?]**

PEES **[That's some kind of subliminal message, I know it.]**

"al cats cum over her" **[*gag*]** sed macronastar **[HEYYYY, MACARENA~!]**

"ok" sed al the othr cats **[*facepalm*]**

"ok beaiutuifulpaw is vere kawai **[Once I read a version of My Immortal (possibly the most infamous badfic of all time) in which the Marauders read My Immortal. After some time, whenever something was absolute sh*t, Sirius called it kawaii. I believe I will carry on this tradition.] **nd spart **[SPARTA!] **nd brav **[Kawaii.] **nd powerful **[Kawaii.] **nd stuf **[Stuff it, Kraftstar.]**"

"YA" SHOTD AL DA WERERS **[All the werewolves?]**

"shes gon b leder wen I due **[Kraftstar is pregnant?]**" he sad

"NO" SHOTD AL DA WARERS" **[Please don't let her be leader.]**

"so now shes sparklfer **[Ebonysparkles. 'Nuff said.]**" sad macronestr

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SPRKLFER **[BOO EBONYSPARKLES.]**" SED ALL DA WARERS

"IM SPARKLFER" **[GTFO prep.]**

"YAAAA" SED MCRANISTAR **[What an eccentric leader.]**

"ND ON LAST THENG" **[No. Shut up, Kraftstar.]**

"Wat is it" sed all da cats **[We don't want to know.]**

"I…." **[It's a love confession, I know it.]**

2 B CONMTEBNUD! **[Kawaii.]**

* * *

><p><strong>Torture, thy name is Beautiful Sparkle.<strong>


	6. Seriously, Spare Us

**Hey guys, I was thinking, after I'm done sporking all of the chapters of Baeutiful Sperkle up to date, how would you feel if I sporked Starkit's Prophecy?**

* * *

><p>CHAPT 5M <strong>[This is the 13<strong>**th**** part of chapter 5, apparently.]**- CONFESHUNS~ **[Great, what now.]**

FALMERS GO **[FLAMER POWERS GO!]**

"I LUV U SPARKLFER!" **[CALLED IT.]**

"WAT" SED SPARKLEFER **[I'd WTF, too.]**

"NOT FER" SAD A WARER **[…Am I really supposed to understand that sentence said '"Not fair!" said a warrior.'?] **MARONCSTAR LOKS DON **[The tense is getting all screwy.]**

IT WAS PERFCTPALT! **[It was Paradoxpelt.]**

"O NO UR MY STEP MOM" **[Ew, look at all the incest.]** SED SDPSKALRP ANGRLY **[Wait, I thought she was all confused about Kraftstar? She never said she loved him.]**

"YE I AM ND I LUV U MACRONISTER" **[New OTP: Paradoxpelt x Kraftstar x Ebonysparkles x Vomitkit.] **SHE SHOTD BAK

"WTF NI" **[Seriously, WTF is with this story.] **SHOTD BAK SPARKL

"WAT U GION DO!" SHOTD PERFCTPELT **[I'm rooting for a suicide.]**

"DIS" **[What?]**

"o no" **[Wait, another whirlpool?]**

2 B CONTENID… **[Please, spare us.]**

* * *

><p><strong>I think my brain just imploded.<strong>


	7. Killing Your Mother Is A Good Thing

**Has anyone else noticed the chapters are getting shorter and crappier as they go?**

* * *

><p>CHOT 7 - STPEMOM WARS!] <strong>[Starmom Wars.]<strong>

IM SO SORRY I DIDNT UPDAT 4 A WIEL! **[No, we're thankful you didn't update.]** IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOORRYYY ! **[Don't be sorry.]**

IF UR A FLAMR U DON'T HAV THE PRIVLEGE 2 RED **[So are we talking about Red from Pokemon or Red Link? I don't think either one of them would want to be here.] **MY KAWAII STORE! **[The Sanrio store? They have good candy.] **GO FUK URSELF NYA~ **[That sentence was ruined by the fangirl Japanese meow.]**

"GRRRRRRR" SPARKL SHOTD **[She shouted "Grrrrrr". That's SO intimidating.] **JUMOPN DON **[Don Pianta.] **ND TAKLIN **[talking] **HER MOM. **[And here I thought we were gonna see more Sue magic.]** HER MOM FEL OVR, DEAD, **[…She died from Ebonysparkles jumping on her?] **WIT GRAY BLUD COMIN OT OF HER. **[…Her blood is gray?]**

"yaaaaaaaa ur tha best!" shotd al da warers **[THEY'RE CHEERING HER ON BECAUSE SHE KILLED A FELLOW CLANMATE?]**

"yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" sed sparkl **[Kawaii.]**

OK U DON'T LIK DON'T RED **[*cries* But everyone loves Red Link! And Red from Pokemon!] **KKK? **[No, Dedede.]**

* * *

><p><strong>*sigh* This story is a right piece of work, I tell you. If you're gonna troll, troll correctly. Heck, if I wrote a trollfic it would probably be the trollfic to end all trollfics. But I love grammar and sanity too much to do that.<strong>


	8. When In Rome

**THIS IS FOR YOU, WINTERTHAW OF THUNDERCLAN.**

* * *

><p>CHPT 8 - KAWAII ROMANS! <strong>[The Romans are cute, apparently.]<strong>

2 AL DA FALMERS OF DA WORLD I ROTE U A SONMG! **[Must suppress the urge to burst into one of Pinkie Pie's songs.]**

OK ITS CALD **[It's cold.]**

SPARKLS FALMER SONG **[Sparkle's Flamer Song? Wow, best title ever.]**

OK HER WE GO **[Let's-a go!]**

O FALMERS OF THA WORLD **[AAAAAAH! IT BURNS MY EARS!]**

UR SO NASTE **[What?]**

U SMEL WERD **[How would you know?]**

U SHULD JUST GO COMIT **[When did Vomitkit come into this?] **SEWSIDE **[Sewerside? Where's that, New York? Is that where the alligators live?]**

U R NOT NISE **[I'm not a niece, apparently]** U R MEN **[No, I'm a girl.]**

OH BAD **["Bad! Bad! Very bad!" –Mr. Hoggle, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door]**

OH FALMERS OF THA WERLD **[Justin Bieber can sing better than this. Heck, Rebecca Black can sing better. That's saying something.]**

OK GO NO **[Yeah, go away.]**

Dat night a red angry prinsespaw left in angr. **[She's red with fury.] **She was vere angry. **[You are very redundant.]**

"U WIL PAY 4 THIS! :o **[That's a face.]**" wisperd dimontaerasnowpaw **[Diamondtiarasnowpaw. Quick, someone think of a nickname for her.]** her best fran **[I thought Ebonysparkles was Princepaw's best friend?] [HAY GIRLFRAN.]**

She changd her nam 2 evilpaw! **[No, no, Evilpaw doesn't quite fit.]**

"IM NOW EVLPAW!" she mermerd **[She's a mermaid.]**

"o wats al da noys" sed sparkl wakin ip. **[She fell asleep in the middle of the clearing? Or do they share a den even though Ebonysparkles is a warrior and Evil-tiara-whatever-paw is an apprentice?]**

"U SUK!" RARD ELVISPAW! **[I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT.] **SHE LUNJD FORWAD! **[She lung forward.]**

"O NO" SED SPARKL **[OH YES.]**

"O NO" SHE SED AGHAN **[Wow, she's gonna keep saying "Oh no, oh no!" instead of running away like a sensible cat?]**

HER EYS TERND TAN ND SHE STARTD GLOWIN! **[…*shudder* Vampire. Definitely a vampire.] **"U O" SED EVLPAW! **[What was that, Elvispaw?]**

"GRRRRRRRRRR" SED SPARKL ND SHE WAS SERONDED BY PERPLE WATER! **[I can appreciate that purple water, under most circumstances, would be kinda cool, but this is just stupid.]**

"YES THAT'S WAT I WANTD" **[You wanted purple water? And why on earth are you going to tell Ebonysparkles that you WANTED her to do that?]**

"GRRRRRRRRRRR" SPARKL CRASHED INTO EVILPAW DROWNIN HER IN TYHA WATER ND KILIN HER! **[She killed ANOTHER Clanmate and she gets to get away with it?]**

"YES" EVLPAW SED ND SHE GOT UP **[I thought she was dead- oh no.]**

SHE WAS A VAMPR! **[OH STARCLAN.]**

SHE STARTD TRANSFURMIN IT WAS WERD! **[Probably not as bad as the rest of this story.]**

HER KAWAI MAJENTA FER **[I thought she'd be white from her previous name, since it had the word "snow" in it] **TURND SERULEEN ND HER RAINBO EYES **[IT'S STARPAW.] **TERND SERULEEN 2. SHE GRO GIANT PINK CLAS ND SPARKLIN RED FANGS THAT POKD OT HER MOTH! **[Hey guys, go find some stakes, I wanna murder this vampire and take her fangs, they'd be great for my collection!]** HER ERS BECAM BLODY AND TYORN BUT THEN THEY FELL OF! **[…her ears fell off. Wow.] **THEBN THEY CAM BAK AS PERSED PAL BRON ERS! **[…I don't even know what that sentence was supposed to say.]** SHE GRO PINK ND ORNJ DEMUN WENGS **[that's disgustingly ugly]** AND WITH AN EVIL SMIL **[IT'S THE JOKER!] **SHE TURND INTO A YELO BAT WITH BRASS EYS ND FLO OF! **[Brass: n. a type of metal.]**

SBE WAS A VAMPIT! **[I thought she was a vampr?]**

2 B CONTRNID! **[Please stop it here.]**

"SPAMERS ND FALMERS LEV" SED DA BVAT AS SHE FLOO OF **[You know you're an amateur when you make your characters tell the reader your ANs as a part of the story.]**

* * *

><p><strong>I get the feeling Elvispaw is never going to appear again.<strong>


	9. LOOK ZOMBIES aw, she killed it

**Okay, so far I have two requests that I spork Starkit's Prophecy. If I get three, after sporking this fanfic and KawaiiBlodyRose's other fanfic, "angles of strecaln" (which I take to mean 'Angels of StarClan'- no, I will not be sporking "Pokemon Party") I'll do Starkit's Prophecy.**

* * *

><p>CHPT 1 - ZOMBE MOM! <strong>[AWESOME!]<strong>

SOANERS **[Uh, what?] **ND FALMERS U HAV NO LIFE! **[I'm not a flamer, I just write these sporks so people can understand stories like this.] **GET A LIFE U JERKS! **[Actually I consider myself a very nice person. I just have no patience for trolls.]** IM A GOD RIGHTER **[The last time someone pulled the whole "The god of writing sent me here to write stories for the world" thing, it was Stephanie Meyer. We told you already, J.K. Rowling hasn't sent **_**anyone.**_**] **ND U CANT RIGHT BETER! **[If you weren't a troll, you would make an effort to get a beta reader.]**

Than ext **[Exit. It's the button you should click if you stumble upon the real version of this story.] **morning Sparkl got up 2 go mak DERT! **[TMI.]** LOL **[I don't see how that's funny, really] **she wnet nd that was wer her stepmom was beried **[Haha, they buried her at the dirtplace.]**

She dug at tha grond nd it ternd scarlet! **[…Blood? Is Ebonysparkles bleeding? Hooray!]**

"O NMO" SED SPERKL! **[ELMO?]** IN MIDNITE BLO WORDS **[I thought it was scarlet?]** IT SED "UR GOIN 2 DIE WENT WE MET UP AGEN SPARKL U WIL PAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!" **[First off, I'd laugh if this happened to me. Second, cats can't read. And apparently they can't dance, either.]**

"O NO" SHE SPERKL AGAIN! **[The whole "o no" thing is getting worse than how many times Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way gasps during My Immortal. I swear every other sentence is "I gasped."]**

ND THEN THE WORDS LEFT **[…Wow.]**

THEN HER MOM ROS FROM THE GROND! **[AWESOME, ZOMBIES!]**

SHE WAS TERIBL HER FER WAS SCRAGY BUT SHE WAS A VAMPIR 2! **[…why must all zombies be ruined by becoming stupid fairy vampires?] **SHE WAS NEON GLOWIN ORNJ **[Fairy vampire. Knew it.] **WITH KAWAII SPARKLE BLO ND DRK GREN WENGS! **[That's kawaii alright. The second meaning, that is.] **HER EYS WER GLOWIN LASERS **[Laser vision. Great StarClan, what next.] **THAT WER YELO! **[Yellow lasers.] **SHE HAD BIG PENK CLAS ND PERIWENCL FANGS MAD 2 DRENK CAT BLAD! **[Okay, that's just stupid.]**

"U WER WARNMD" **[Yeah, she was given like a five second warning.]**

THEN HER STEPMOM **[Remind me again, how is she Ebonysparkles' stepmom?] **TERN INTO A CFAOM **[What?] **BAT WITH SPARKLIN BLO EYS ND SHE LEFT **[…I thought she was going to pay?]**

FALMERS GHO AWY **[I'm still not a flamer, I'm giving constructive criticism. …In a way that makes everyone laugh.]**

SO DID U GAYS **[I'm a heterosexual, thank you.] **LIKE THIS CHPATER?"!1 **[Not really.] **I WERKD RELY HARD ION IT! **[I'm sure you did.]**

* * *

><p><strong>Don't forget to notify me if you guys see any other trollfics, 'k?<strong>


	10. Ebonysparkles Is A Player

**Concerning sporking Starkit's Prophecy: admittedly I did get three requests to spork it. Many thanks to Coqui's Song, however, for pointing out that someone is already sporking Starkit's Prophecy. However, since I still got three requests, I've decided to spork it, but not in the way you think.**

**In other words- Spottedleaf apparently has the ability to read, and reads Starkit's Prophecy to Jayfeather, Lionblaze, Dovepaw, and Ivypaw. (I know they're warriors now, but I haven't read Sign of the Moon yet, I can't find it anywhere. So let's say this is after The Fourth Apprentice.)**

**Anyway, enjoy~ (Or try, at least.)**

* * *

><p>CHPT 90 - SPERKL IS PREGNAT! <strong>[Oh StarClan, not Ebony Jr.'s.]<strong>

FALMERS LEV ALREDY! **[Actually, this spork is getting some really good reviews. Thanks, guys.]** PRAGNANET SPERKL WIL NOT B HAPE WEN SHE SES U! **[Good, she's a Sue anyway.]**

ANEWAYS IV BEEN RIGHTING AL WEK! **[It took you a week to write this?] **I HOP U LIEK THE 4 CAHPTRAS I ROGHT! **[Probably won't.]**

OK HER WE GO! **[Nooooo.]**

"OK" **[Um, what is she saying "OK" to?] **SPERKL RAN INTO THA CALN! **[You mean camp.]** SHE WAS SCERD! **[…she was already in the camp, at the dirtplace.]**

"HI MACRONI STER" SHE SED **[I thought she was scared?]**

"hi" he sad kawaiily sadly. **[Cutely and sadly at the same time? I'm sure it's possible, but not for Kraftstar.]**

"wats rong" **[Don't wanna know.]**

"I luv u" **[He's sad because he loves her?]**

"ok" **[Sure, anyone would respond that upon being told someone's in love with them.] **they went 2 tha forest nd mad out **[Cats can't make out., read, or dance. And dancing I'm actually still pending judgement on.]**

Then they had S******X **[…"Sex" does NOT have that many letters in it.] **nd then went bak 2 tha camop **[Goodness.]**

"hi rep and grenpa" **[Oh StarClan, don't tell me.]**

"hi" they said **[Please don't do what I think you're about to do.]**

Then they went 2 tha forest nd has S*X 2! **[Called it. She seriously is Ebony if she's getting it on with three toms. What's next, a she-cat?]**

"hi comitkit" **[OH STARCLAN EVEN WORSE.]**

ND THEN THEY DID IT TO! **[PEDOPHILE!]**

ND THEN SPARKL FELT WERD **[I'd feel weird if I slept with that many toms, too.]**

"GOTTA GHO MEDS" SHE SED **[Let me guess, Ebony Jr.'s.]**

SHJE WENT 2 THA MEDSIN CATS DEN **[Oh boy, here we go.]**

"CONGRAUTONS" SED WINTSNO **[Ebony Jr.'s, knew it.]**

"WAT" SED SPRKL **[As if you don't know.]**

"U R…." SED RANEKIT ANOTH MED CAT **[Kit =/= medicine cat.]**

"…UR KNOCED UP!" **[LOL] **SED ANOTH MED CAT STARWATR **[Stargleam would know.]**

"WAT" SED SPRKL **[…you don't even know what that means?]**

"UR PREGANT" **[Oh joy.] **SED THA LAST MED CAT ZAMBEZIPA **[Zombiepaw would know, too.]**

"O NO" SED SPRK KAWAIILE **[You said "Oh no" cutely? And if you really slept with that many toms, you should have expected this to happen. Besides, cats don't get pregnant right away.]**

THEN SHE FEL 2 THA GROND IN PEN!11111111111111! **[THIS IS A PEN.] [Wait, why's she in pain?]**

FALMERS STROP SHES HAVENM KITS U R GON REWN ET! **[You're honestly telling us to feel sorry for Ebonysparkles?]**

* * *

><p><strong>*sweatdrop* At least there's only... what, 8 more chapters?<strong>


	11. The Sillies

**Thank you, Coqui's Song and Lark's Song for pointing out a new trollfic for me to spork- namely, one "Sterri Wunderr". I actually found that fic just this morning, before you guys sent me the reviews, and came to a decision: yes, I will spork it. No, I will not spork it _yet. _I'll wait to see if it gets any longer. If it hits five chapters, I'll spork it.**

**Also, something interesting that Coqui's Song pointed out: a lot of trolls have the word "rose" in their name, like KawaiiBlodyRose, (author of Starkit's Prophecy), and xRadiantxRedxRosesx (author of the developing trollfic, Sterri Wunderr"). However, I also noticed this: some of them have the word "blood" in some form, too, again like KawaiiBlodyRose, and also like xxxbloodywrists666xxx, aka Tara Gilesbie, authoress of the infamous My Immortal. So if you think it's a troll, look for the obvious signs.**

**Anyway, on with the show!**

* * *

><p>CHPT 21232 <strong>[Man this story is long]<strong>- THA PROFECE CONETNIOS **[Remind me again, what prophecy?]**

IM GETIN SEK OF FALMERS I DON'T CAR ANEM,OR FALN AL U WANT! **[The flamers are happy to hear this.]**

AL DA MAL CATS IN DA CALN RAN UP 2 HER! **[All of the male cats in the entire Clan? Did she sleep with ALL of them? She seriously is Ebony.]**

"IM PREGANT" **[I'm against abortion and I want you to get an abortion.] **SHE SED

"ND THE CATS WIL HAV UR SUPERPOWERS!" SHOTD GRENPAW **[…Wait, whose kits are they, anyway?]**

"YAAAAAA' SHE SED **[Noooooo.]**

"ND BLAKCALN WIL KEIL TYHEM!" **[…That's such a good thing to tell a future mother.]**

"!" SHITTED **[That was deliberate.] **SPRKLE PENISLY! **[…I can't even begin.]**

"SHES PREFIO" **[Um, what?]** SED COMMITKET SMILING]' **[So they're going to die, and he's smiling. That makes so much sense.]**

"YA: EVRY1 SED! **[We honestly don't care that she's pregnant.]**

ND THEY WERE THE SILLYEST. **[That's the one thing this trollfic has gotten right.]**

FALMERS STOP FLAMING **[SWIPER NO SWIPING!] **IM PUTING THES WARNINGS B4 ND AFTRE DA CHAPTRES **[I thought you said earlier that we could flame all we wanted? The flamers will be displeased.]**

* * *

><p><strong>Man, I need a vacation.<strong>


	12. ShadowClan FTW

**You know, I noticed that these chapters range from 200 words to 800 words. Holy dang.**

* * *

><p>XCHP 12 - SHADOCALN IS BAD! <strong>[Actually, I like ShadowClan. GO SHADOWCLAN!]<strong>

FASLMERS U STIL SUK! **[Those poor, poor educated people.]**

SPARKL FEL 2 THA GROND IN PEN! **[Sparkly ink. I want it.]**

"IM GIVIN BERF" **[One of my pet peeves: when people spell "birth" as "birf" or "berf". Another one of my pet peeves: when people spell "brother" as "bother".]**

"O NO" SED MACRONESTR **[Dude, don't just stand there while she gives birth! Get a medicine cat- wait, how is she giving birth right after she got pregnant?]**

"ATTACK!" **[YES! KILL THEM ALL!]**

"WAT WAS THT!" SHOT GRENPA **[Grandpa. Haha.]**

BLACKSTRA CUM IN! **[*facepalm*]**

BUT HE WAS DFIFRENT! HIS KAWAII JAPANES WHIT FER **[I thought he was white and nerdy.] **TURND ORNJ ND HIS BIG BLACK PRICKS **[I lol'd] **TURND SPARKLE GREN! **[Ew.]** HE HAS METL SOLED GOLD HANDCUFS ON **[HE'S IMITATING WOLF LINK! RAAAAGE MUST KILL] **ND HE HAD JIANT PALE GREN WENGS! **[KawaiiBlodyRose is colorblind, I swear.]**

HE WAS A VAMPIR! **[Why is everyone turning into vampires?]**

"O NO" SED FIRERONISTAR **[When did Firestar and Kraftstar morph into one cat?]**

THEN RUSETFUR **[who is dead]** CAM ND SO DID SHADOCALN THEY WER AL VAMPIRS! **[…RIP, respectable ShadowClan.]** ND THEY AL HAD HANDCUFS! **[MUST KILL THEM ALL.]**

"Y" SED COMMITKET **[Seriously, WHY? I LOVED SHADOWCLAN.]**

"WE CUM **[How many times is she going to- *sigh*] **TO TAK UR KETS" **[For the last time, it's spelled KITS, not KETS] **SED BALCKSTAR "THEYUR GONA KIL VAMPIRS **[You don't know that] **ND EY CANT LET U DO THAT SPARKLE" **[Why do you want her kits if you think Ebonysparkles herself is going to kill vampires?]**

"o no" SED SPERKL **[KILL HER.]**

ND THEN SHE WAS KETNAPD! **[Kidnapped or kitnapped? I can't tell with you anymore, KawaiiBlodyRose.]**

SPAMERS U GO DYE **[Dye what, their hair?] **KKK!~? **[Nonono.]**

* * *

><p><strong>Screw this, I'm going back to my Legend of Zelda: Four Swords fics. See you guys with more sporked chapters later. Mikey OUT.<strong>


	13. The Idiot Who Forgets Kits

**Yo guys, I'm back! I thought I'd let you guys know, as soon as I finish *checks story* the next 7 chapters, I'll be up to date with this spork. At that time I will begin sporking "Starry Wonder". And after that, I will hopefully be able to begin my "The Three Read Starkit's Prophecy" story.**

**For now, enjoy.**

* * *

><p>CH 100 <strong>[The chapter numbers are screwy.]<strong>- O NO **[PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S GOING TO DIE.]**

FALMERS GO TO ECH EE DOUBL HOCKE STIKS! **[Dude, earlier in the story you specifically told us to go fuck ourselves (WITH fangirl Japanese afterward, I might add), and you're afraid to say "hell"?]**

I wrot anothra cahptra pls enjoi **[I highly doubt we will.]**

They tok soparkl 2 a lake **[A LAKE. THERE'S ONLY ONE LAKE HERE.] **wer she lad don. "o no" she sed **[How the heck did she manage to hold the kits in for so long?] **"o ya" they al sed **[Ew, it sounds like they're raping her.]**

Then she ghab berf! **["BERF". AGAIN. RAWR.]**

"wel tak thes on" **[Only one?] **sed smokfot **[…Smokefoot? Is that you? I didn't recognize you under the terrible grammar] **ho tok a soparklin gren ket **[BIOLOGY FACTS] **wit skie blo eys **[That's just plain ugly.]**

"NOOOOOOOO" SED SPRKL **[She should really get up and attack them for her kits back.]**

Then she flew away! **[OH MY GOSH IT'S A SENTENCE THAT'S ACTUALLY PERFECTLY SPELLED—wait, she didn't attack ShadowClan? SCREW THIS SENTENCE, SHE'S AN IDIOT.]**

BUIT SHE FORGET HER KITS! **[What kind of idiot gives birth, allows a rival Clan to take her kits, and then FLIES away without her kits because she FORGOT ABOUT THEM?]**

* * *

><p><strong>I wonder if I should call Ebonysparkles "Idiotstar" or "Ebonystar" when she becomes leader...?<strong>


	14. Men Who Poke People

**Man, I'd forgotten how horrible this thing is.**

* * *

><p>CH 19 <strong>[I'm not even going to bother]<strong>- AT HOM AT LAST! **[...At last? She must've been gone what, an hour?]**

OK I DON'T CAR ANEMOR **[Awesome] **THX STARSTAR **[Starkit? She's here?]** 4 NOT FLAMIN MY STORE **[Thanks, Starkit, for not setting the convenience store on fire] **U ROCK WOOHOO

"O NO" SED SPERKL LANDEN **[Let me guess, "Omg I forgot my kits!"]**

"WATS RIN **[Kagamine?]**" SED REDPAW **[…Wait, shouldn't they be like "Oh yay you're back! Are you okay? Where are your kits?" Then again, this is a trollfic…]**

"MA KETS R DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" **[…Dead. Really, now.] **SHE WALLED **["Wall"ed or "Wall-E"d?] **CRYIN VERY KAWAII SPARKLIN CRIMSON SCARLET TERS OF BLUD! **["TEARS OF BLOOD"! I KNEW IT, SHE'S EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY!]**

"O NO" wevr1 sed **[You know, if she really got back that fast, her kits can't be dead.]**

"BUT THEY SAV EVRY CAT EVER!" **[Um, they're newborn kits. They haven't saved anyone yet.] **SHOTID EKLIPSPAW! **[No one cares about you, Breakingdawnpaw.]**

"YA" EVU1 SED **[Why are you agreeing? They haven't done anything!]**

"LETS ATC!" **[Actually, I'm okay with you guys attacking shameful ShadowClan, aka RipoffClan. YOU NEVER IMITATE WOLF LINK WITHOUT GOOD REASON.]**

"WAT" SED rarglimr **[Oh look guys, it's Rarity!] **evryon stopd. **[STOP! IN THE NAME OF LOVE~!]**

"wat es et" ebv1 sed **[I'm really beginning to wonder about everyone saying the same thing at the same time. Is there a hive mind going on here?]**

"GO PEIKACHOU" **[WTF WHAT WHAT WHAT NOT THE POKEMON PLEASE DON'T TAINT THE POKEMON]**

"O WOW" EVY1 SED OUT IF A RED BALL **[It's supposed to be red and white.] **CAM A PEKICHU! **[WHY, PIKACHU, WHY.]**

"GO SKERTLE NINTALES VELPUX **[Rarity has a Ninetails and a Vulpix? But Ninetails is just the evolved form of Vulpix] **SNIVE USHOWAT EMPERON **[…Is that supposed to say Umbreon, or Empoleon?]**"

"O WOW EVY1 SED **[I swear there is some sort of hive mind going on here.]**

"O WOW" SED SPERKL **[Why is it that Ebonysparkles gets a separate line for just saying the same thing as everyone else said—wait, she's a Sue. Never mind.]**

THEY WER **[I know, they're Pokémon.]**

POKEMEN! **[…Men who poke people?]**

* * *

><p><strong>...Poke...men... I get the feeling this has something to do with Facebook.<strong>


	15. Author's Note: Trolls Very Useful Facts

I have an announcement.

I know many of you will not be pleased to hear this, but I noticed today that a spork (which is what I'm doing with this story) is against the content guidelines for FFN. As such, I'm forced to remove this and the spork of Prettysilverflower from the site.

_HOWEVER_! That's only from this site. I intend to create a website soon to spork all of the badfics I find on the archive. Who knows, someday I might even move to different archives and spork the other badfics.

My advice? Just try to keep the trolls away from Warriors. Report report report, don't review _ANY_ badfics, just REPORT as many times as you can until they're **GONE**. The _only_ review you should put on a badfic is one stating that you've reported the story and encourage others to do the same.

Something concerns me, however. Today I got a review claiming that I am a bully and a flamer and that sporking is mean. The fact that I was blatantly insulted is not what concerns me, but that this person showed sympathy for KawaiiBlodyRose, despite the overwhelming evidence that she is a troll. This is something I find very concerning indeed. (The person's argument was that KawaiiBlodyRose has dyslexia and autism, which I am very certain she doesn't.) _DO NOT SHOW SYMPATHY FOR TROLLS._ That just encourages them to write more of their horrible stories. **REPORT.** _TELL THE TROLL THEY'VE BEEN REPORTED._ _LEAVE THE STORY ALONE._ The more reviews they get, the more they will troll, and the more your eyes will bleed.

_Don't_ encourage them. Just get them out of here. In turn, I will do all in my power to get this trolling fad away from FFN. (They may be funny, but seriously, I'm still recovering from my days as a sporker.)

Thanks for the reviews, everyone, and remember what I said about trolls!

~Mikey~

PS: Tomorrow, I intend to upload a copy and paste to my profile: more specifically, an anti-troll copy and paste. I know, trolls are funny and all, but really. When people start giving trolls constructive criticism or sympathizing with/defending trolls, you know you need to act.


End file.
